To go

I did go out Saturday night.

I did have a very good time.

I did miss my husband like crazy.

I didn't cry.

I did drink entirely too much.

I did get to see a bunch of friends that I haven't seen in awhile.

I did make an ass out of myself at least once.

I don't care about that.

I did behave myself for the most part.

I did dance.

I did feel like garbage all day yesterday.

I didn't spend more than $15 at the bar.

All my friends did buy me shots.

I am glad I only have one birthday each year.


To go or not to go?

I was planning on going out tonight with a few friends and celebrating my birthday. (My birthday was on the 16th, same day as my grandma's visitation, so needless to say it was a sucky day.) The problem is sometimes I don't even really know how or want to have fun without my husband. I have missed him terribly since the minute I left him last.

When I go out and drink, he is all I think about and it just makes me sad. It always seems as if everyone around me has someone, except me. I don't go out often but when I do I always feel bad about it. Matt doesn't care if I go out, as long as I behave and I do.

I'm going to take a nap. Ahhh.... naps :) my favorite part of the weekend. Then I have to go to the shit job and then I guess I'll decide what I am going to do.


Gotta love the hubby

Matt is still in the mountains doing his training so I didn't know if he had heard about the death of Micheal Jackson.


Me - Did you hear that Micheal Jackson died?
Hubby - Yeah and Sarah Faucet too.
Me - Yep Sarah Faucet too

I can't help but being annoyed about the publicity the whole death of MJ has created. Yes I do feel sad for his kids and family. But that guy was a weirdo. And you would NEVER catch me listening to any of his music unless I was forced to.

Am I glad he died? NO. Am I going to be avoiding listening to the radio or watching MTV? DEFINITELY



I wrote this for school and posted it a couple months ago. I wanted to re-post for my new blogger friends that are also military wives. Here's to you and me!

This is an essay I wrote for school. It is supposed to be an extended definition essay. I wrote about what a military wife is. Here it is. Let me know what you think.

The Military Wife of Today

There have been many groups of women throughout the history of America that have helped to make this nation the land of the free and the home of the brave. Perhaps, the most overlooked group of influential women throughout the history of our nation has been military wives. As long as there has been military in our country there have been military wives. The military wife of today may have conveniences that make her role easier than ever before however, this does not make her life any more desirable. A military wife must be strong, patient, understanding, and loyal to her husband and her country. She will stop at nothing to make sure her husband is as comfortable and as happy as possible, even when he is thousands of miles away.

In the military, it is not the service member’s choice where they will be stationed or even if they will stay at that duty station throughout their career. A military wife will pack up all she owns to move to a place far away from her friends and family to be with her husband and will possibly do this several times. She will give up everything she knows to spend time with him. Or she will stay at home and wait for him if that is what they believe is best. She will patiently look forward to his return and never question her reasons for entering into such a marriage. Either way, she will do it whatever is best for her family’s future and do it with a smile. She understands that he has to do what he his told and she will never complain about it.

A military wife will deal with her husband’s deployment as a strong brave woman. She will stand next to him, smile, and take pictures with him on the day he leaves. She will never have felt as proud of him than on that day. She will soon fall apart and pick her self up again, repeatedly. A military wife will put her own needs aside to make sure that the package she is sending him makes it to the post office “today”. She will send a package on every birthday, holiday, and two or three between. She will become a professional at packing the comforts of home into an 11-inch by 8.5-inch by 5.5-inch box. She could also pack a bowling ball into the same box if her husband asked her to. The clerk at the post office becomes a friend rather than a stranger due her constantly picking up boxes and dropping off packages.

During deployment a military wife will also check her e-mail between ten and a hundred times a day, just to see if her husband has had time to send her a short message. He usually works between twelve and fifteen hours a day, in a desert and she understands when he doesn’t have time, but she continuously checks anyways. She will sleep with her phone by her side her every night. When a twelve-digit number is calling her phone at four in the morning she does not hesitate to answer because she knows it is her husband calling. She doesn’t get upset when after five minutes on the phone with him the call is disconnected. It can happen repeatedly and she is just happy to have heard his voice and know that he is alive and well.

While he is away a military wife will not hesitate to take over all shared responsibilities. She will mother, cook, clean, do the accounting, and take care of the cars, the lawn, and the pets. Also, she may possibly be working non-stop to help them with their future. She will stay very busy during the day and cry herself to sleep occasionally at night due to the pain missing him has caused. She will worry about him and patiently wait for him until he returns. A military wife will be proud that she can handle everything on her own while he fights for the country they both love.

Not all women are capable of dealing with everything that is involved with being a military wife. The women that can’t live the military life find out shortly after entering into it. Those who can, will do anything it takes to make their marriage stronger than they had ever dreamed of. They will ignore the things others will say such as, “How do you do it” or “My husband went to Europe once on business.” They know that standing behind their husband and his love for his country is their number one priority. A military wife would not change anything about her life except to have the man she loves home more often.


All gone

I took my last birth control pill today. Its kind of scary but we are ready. I think. Matt is ready. We will be together, forever, in 35 days. Matt says he won't make fun of me if I get real fat and waddle.

Now I just have to quit smoking these damn cigarettes. I'm thinking about getting acupuncture done as soon as he gets home. My sister got it done and it helped her.

I worked 19 and a half hours at my shit job last week on top of the forty I worked at my real job. I made descent money and I didn't go on any shopping excurtions. It makes me feel good to know that I am doing everything I possibly can to stay busy and help us out while he is gone.


One more thing

This is a paper I wrote for school last semester right after we found out my grandma had cancer. I thought I had already posted it but I didn't. This will be my last post about my grandma. I promise. No more Debbie Downer here.

I believe that in life there are good people and there are bad people. The best example of a good person that I have ever known is my grandma, Esther. My grandma is more patient than anyone I have ever met. She is also a very considerate and kindhearted person. Another reason my grandma is such a good person is because her whole life she has been nothing but selfless. She has always put others needs before her own and never complained about anything. She will truly never be forgotten.

My grandma has always been a patient person. She gave birth to eleven children. Eight of her children are boys. She had three girls; one of her girls is mentally challenged and one of her girls died at birth. Their family lived on a farm and there was plenty of room for her children to find or create trouble, which they did quite often. When she would get real mad at the boys she would call them “little boogers.” She never spanked any of her kids because she says she was “just too soft-hearted”. My grandma took care of my aunt who is mentally challenged for fifty-five years. She took her to work when she had to work and cared for her in a way that no one else could have. When my aunt throws fits, cussing and yelling at anyone who crosses her path, grandma just tells her to calm down and be nice. I never heard her once raise her voice even in the worst situations.

In addition to being extremely patient, my grandma is nice and caring. My grandma has eighteen grandchildren and four great-grandchildren. She has no favorites. She loves each and every one of us the same, regardless of how often we are able to go to see her or how well we behave. Even as she lies in the hospital suffering, she will still ask people how their day was and is genuinely concerned with how everyone is doing, just as we are concerned for her. The other night, my cousin Jadyn was crying because we all know that grandma is not going be around much longer. Grandma asked Jadyn what was wrong. To which Jadyn's mom simply replied, that she was tired and she needed to get her home and to bed because she didn't want to upset grandma. Also, my grandma has never had one bad thing to say about anyone. Even when my grandpa and all my uncles are gossiping about someone, grandma just smiles. I’m sure deep down she has to know that she is a better person for not saying anything. The other day I thanked my grandma for coming to our wedding a couple months ago and told her how much it had meant to my husband and me. It wasn’t a traditional Catholic wedding like most of our family has had, but she told me, “Oh, that was a nice wedding and I had a good time.” Because my grandma is so kindhearted, she always looks for the good in every situation.

Also, my grandma is also a very selfless person. By being selfless, she always puts other people needs in front of her own. To be honest, I don’t think that she ever really wanted anything that life had not given her. She stayed home and raised all her children. She did all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and other household chores. She never complained about having too much to do. Even until the day my grandma went into the hospital, she woke up at six o’clock every morning to make my grandpa a poached egg and toast for breakfast. When the whole family would come over on Sundays, my grandma would always cook lunch for everyone. When I was younger, if I got sick and my mom couldn’t pick me up from school, grandma would come pick me up and take me to her house. She would give me soup and crackers and let me lie on the couch and watch television or just sit and talk to me. Being sick at grandma’s house wasn’t near as bad as being sick and having to go home because she was so nice to be around. Of all the good qualities that my grandma possesses, I believe that her selflessness is the quality that separates her from most people.

I have met lots of good people in my life but the best person that I have ever known by far is my Grandmother. She truly lived her life to make other peoples' lives better. I feel very fortunate to have a grandma that is as good of a person as she is. She has always been a patient mother and grandmother, a kindhearted and caring individual and has never been a selfish person. My grandma loves to smile and she loves life. Most importantly, she loves to see other people around her happy.


The Blues

I have been feeling sorry for myself for about 24 hours now. Last night was grandma's visitation... on my birthday. Today was the funeral. Everything was beautiful and I'm sure she would have liked it.

Even though I was surrounded by my family, I felt as if I was alone. I miss Matt terribly. I needed Matt last night and today. Of course good ole uncle sam seems to have needed him more.

I'm in a funk. I really don't wanna go to school tonight. I wanna do a little retail therapy but I don't even know if I can find the energy to do that.

Oh and its 91 degrees here but to me it feels like about 157.


No more American Airlines for me

Matt left for his training this morning. That means no birthday vacation for me and no anniversary vacation for mom and dad.

American Airlines doesn't give two shits just as I had suspected. We would have to pay $150 per person to change to a different date plus the difference between the airfare. *Note: I bought our tickets three or four months ago. So for us to change the dates to the weekend after 4th of July would be and additional 400 bones a person and the weekend after that would be 350 a person. We originally paid $300 for each ticket.

The only way they would refund us because of the military is if he was being deployed. Uhhhhh.... No thanks!

I'm going to write them a nice edumacated sounding letter when I am in a better state of mind and also send a copy to my congress person. I believe American Airlines has quite the hustle going on. No one ever uses insurance on their tickets when they actually buy it and if you don't buy it then you are screwed.

The only reason that I usually fly American Airlines is because they are the only airlines that have direct flights from StL to Seattle. Now thanks to them I will not be seeing my husband until it is time for him to come home. I'll only need a one way ticket as we will be driving his car across country again and I can get a one way ticket for less than their $150 date switching fee.

American Airlines service is horrible anyway. I have flown Frontier a few times and they are my favorite. They have a mascot for each plane and TV monitors in the headrests. Not to mention, Frontier flights always stop in Denver and the view landing there is beautiful.



My grandma died at 6:10 this morning. God has finally taken her. He must have been making big plans for her. We love you grandma and we will miss you.



I am beyond stressed for several reasons. My parents and I are supposed to go to Washington next weekend to see Matt. It is their 30th anniversary and my birthday is next week. They wanted to take a vacation for their anniversary and have never been to see their favorite son-in-law there. Some of Matt's unit is going to Yakima for training on Tuesday. Matt has been told for 3 months that he would not have to go. Yesterday they tell him that he has to go. He threw a fit and hopefully we will find out today if he has to go or not. Grandma is still hanging on by a thread and will die sometime soon. Don't know when. Maybe today, maybe next weekend, maybe next month. So now mom and dad are kinda up in the air about what they should do.

When I booked the flight for the three of us I did not purchase insurance for them because I thought everything will be ok. I highly doubt that American Airlines is gonna give two shits about any of this.

I don't understand why he has to do training. HE IS GETTING OUT. The only thing he needs to train for is how to deal with me on a daily basis and mow the yard and stuff. I doubt he will learn that through the army. So Mr. Big Shot of Matt's unit, you can kiss my big ole butt. I hate you, except for about two minutes on the 1st and 15th.

Oh and also my new phone is a POS. It's an envy 3. Don't get it.


Mrs. 4.0

I had school last night. My summer class is on Mondays and Wednesdays from 6:30 to 9:15. It is called Practical Software Applications. Monday we were informed that we would have a quiz over chapters 1-4, which is like 250 pages. The first four chapters were on computer concepts, outlook, the internet, and Windows XP. It was over just a bunch of terminology. I was busy Tuesday night so I studied a little yesterday at work and a little before my class.

The class seems like it takes forever. Last night we... let me re-phrase that... some people were taught how to minimize, maximize, create files, and whatnot. I did my best to try to not space out. The quiz was online at the end of the class. I got a 100%. Yeah!!!!

Last semester was the first semester in 9 years that I attended college (the grades from 9 years ago don't count, thank god.) I took one class and I got an A so right now I have a 4.0. I would love more than anything to never get anything less than an A. I have been waiting for a letter in the mail from the college saying that I had made the Presidents list but unfortunately after researching yesterday I discovered that I have to take 6 hours a semester to qualify for that or the Deans list. :( Next semster I am taking 2 classes so maybe I'll get my letter then.

48 and counting

Only 48 more days until the hubs can leave Ft. Lewis and come home to me and our house. Just wanted to share a few pictures of what I have done with our love nest so far.

This is the bedroom, the actual love nest.

This is the living room minus the couches. Mommy and daddy are giving us theirs but not till they get some new stuff. Notice my sexy pink laptop. Thanks honey.

Dining room.


Picture of my hero by the front door.

Everything is coming together nicely I think. My brother and I are supposed to bring a bed over tonight for the spare bedroom. Mom and I planted a bunch of stuff in the landscaping over the weekend. I'm getting estimates for the rock in the landscaping... well they were supposed to call me yesterday.

I just know that Matt will love it. I cannot wait to make our house our home.


Back to school

Summer school starts tonight.

I have a case of the I don't want to go to summer school I just want to lay in bed and cry blues.


For my Mommy

My mom asked me the other day what the address is for my blog. I was a bit confused because I didn't know that my mom knew I had a blog or even knew what a blog was. I guess she had used my brothers laptop and found the address in the previous used addresses. She said she didn't know how to find it on any other computers.

So this one is for my mom. I love you and I appreciate everything you have done for me and for matt and I. When you are even older than you are now and even more senile than you are now I will take care of you or atleast make sure that Shelley (seester) does.

I love you Mommy!!!

Mr. Tuff Guy

People keep asking us "What are you going to do when Matt gets out of the Army?" Well its beginning to be a little annoying. People think that since the economy is shit that we will be screwed. Matt and I are both hard workers and I believe that if you are a hardworker then you will be able to make ends meet even if you have to work a shit job or two.

We had a couple of options as far as the hubby getting out of the military or easing out of the military.

1. Matt would have four years inactive duty. Which means no paycheck, no insurance, ect. This would also mean that there would be a strong possibility of him having to go back to war. The hub is a refueler and refuelers are in high demand as far as the war goes. NEXT

2. He could enlist in 3 years with the Army Reserves. He would get a 10k sign on bonus but still be taking the chance of going to war. He would be gone one weekend a month and a couple weeks in the summer.

3. Our last option is for him to sign up for a year and a half with the reserves with no sign on bonus but be NONDEPLOYABLE. He would still be gone one weekend a month and a couple weeks in the summer.

We are going to go with #3. Deployment sucks and there is no way that I or we can put a price tag on Matt's life. He took a chance by going to war once and we have the worst luck gambling so we are not going to take another chance.

Matt was talking last night about having to turn all his crap in before he leaves Ft. Lewis. I asked what he was talking about and he told me a few things. One of which was his flac vest which reminded me of a story of when he was in Iraq.

He didn't really see a whole lot of action which he was in Iraq. (which is great) But once it was afternoon time here so it would have been night time there. We were instant messaging and he told me there were lots of loud noises and shit hitting his roof. The bad guys where outside the base and shooting stuff at them, something with scrapnal (sp?) and what not.

I told him to put his "big heavy vest" on and get under his bed. To which he replied, "If my roomate comes in here and sees me under the bed with my vest on, I'll never hear the end of it."

Its funny now but it definately wasn't then.


Still waiting

I went shopping with mom and dad yesterday to get some furniture for our house. We got lots of good deals at a place called Weekends Only. www.weekendsonly.com I browsed the website before and wondered if it would all be a bunch of junk because it is so cheap. Much to my surprise everything I bought was very nice and very cheap. YEH for being the bargain shopping that I am (most of the time).

Being with mom and dad for eight hours was a little exhausting but it was worth it and they were pretty well behaved.

This furnishing a house and getting everything all set up by myself is kind of a pain but I know that it will be more than worth it when Matt comes home and we can relax together.

My daddy and I are going to the house tonight. He is gonna do some stuff. Actually he has a whole list of stuff to do. I know I have mentioned before but my dad really is the best and I'm truly a daddy's girl. My dad can do plumbing, electric, and just about any handyman kind of work that I can think of. My dad also reminds me of Hank Hill when it comes to his yard. Tonight one of his missions is to spray the flower beds and kill the weeds. First thing dad did when we got back from shopping was grab an 18 pack of Old Mil and put in my fridge. So I believe I will keep it stocked for him as long as he keeps coming back to do things.

Only 59 more days untill Matt can leave the carwash state and come home for good.