One more thing

This is a paper I wrote for school last semester right after we found out my grandma had cancer. I thought I had already posted it but I didn't. This will be my last post about my grandma. I promise. No more Debbie Downer here.


I believe that in life there are good people and there are bad people. The best example of a good person that I have ever known is my grandma, Esther. My grandma is more patient than anyone I have ever met. She is also a very considerate and kindhearted person. Another reason my grandma is such a good person is because her whole life she has been nothing but selfless. She has always put others needs before her own and never complained about anything. She will truly never be forgotten.

My grandma has always been a patient person. She gave birth to eleven children. Eight of her children are boys. She had three girls; one of her girls is mentally challenged and one of her girls died at birth. Their family lived on a farm and there was plenty of room for her children to find or create trouble, which they did quite often. When she would get real mad at the boys she would call them “little boogers.” She never spanked any of her kids because she says she was “just too soft-hearted”. My grandma took care of my aunt who is mentally challenged for fifty-five years. She took her to work when she had to work and cared for her in a way that no one else could have. When my aunt throws fits, cussing and yelling at anyone who crosses her path, grandma just tells her to calm down and be nice. I never heard her once raise her voice even in the worst situations.

In addition to being extremely patient, my grandma is nice and caring. My grandma has eighteen grandchildren and four great-grandchildren. She has no favorites. She loves each and every one of us the same, regardless of how often we are able to go to see her or how well we behave. Even as she lies in the hospital suffering, she will still ask people how their day was and is genuinely concerned with how everyone is doing, just as we are concerned for her. The other night, my cousin Jadyn was crying because we all know that grandma is not going be around much longer. Grandma asked Jadyn what was wrong. To which Jadyn's mom simply replied, that she was tired and she needed to get her home and to bed because she didn't want to upset grandma. Also, my grandma has never had one bad thing to say about anyone. Even when my grandpa and all my uncles are gossiping about someone, grandma just smiles. I’m sure deep down she has to know that she is a better person for not saying anything. The other day I thanked my grandma for coming to our wedding a couple months ago and told her how much it had meant to my husband and me. It wasn’t a traditional Catholic wedding like most of our family has had, but she told me, “Oh, that was a nice wedding and I had a good time.” Because my grandma is so kindhearted, she always looks for the good in every situation.

Also, my grandma is also a very selfless person. By being selfless, she always puts other people needs in front of her own. To be honest, I don’t think that she ever really wanted anything that life had not given her. She stayed home and raised all her children. She did all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and other household chores. She never complained about having too much to do. Even until the day my grandma went into the hospital, she woke up at six o’clock every morning to make my grandpa a poached egg and toast for breakfast. When the whole family would come over on Sundays, my grandma would always cook lunch for everyone. When I was younger, if I got sick and my mom couldn’t pick me up from school, grandma would come pick me up and take me to her house. She would give me soup and crackers and let me lie on the couch and watch television or just sit and talk to me. Being sick at grandma’s house wasn’t near as bad as being sick and having to go home because she was so nice to be around. Of all the good qualities that my grandma possesses, I believe that her selflessness is the quality that separates her from most people.

I have met lots of good people in my life but the best person that I have ever known by far is my Grandmother. She truly lived her life to make other peoples' lives better. I feel very fortunate to have a grandma that is as good of a person as she is. She has always been a patient mother and grandmother, a kindhearted and caring individual and has never been a selfish person. My grandma loves to smile and she loves life. Most importantly, she loves to see other people around her happy.

The Blues

I have been feeling sorry for myself for about 24 hours now. Last night was grandma's visitation... on my birthday. Today was the funeral. Everything was beautiful and I'm sure she would have liked it.

Even though I was surrounded by my family, I felt as if I was alone. I miss Matt terribly. I needed Matt last night and today. Of course good ole uncle sam seems to have needed him more.

I'm in a funk. I really don't wanna go to school tonight. I wanna do a little retail therapy but I don't even know if I can find the energy to do that.

Oh and its 91 degrees here but to me it feels like about 157.

Grandma

My grandma died at 6:10 this morning. God has finally taken her. He must have been making big plans for her. We love you grandma and we will miss you.

Stressed

I am beyond stressed for several reasons. My parents and I are supposed to go to Washington next weekend to see Matt. It is their 30th anniversary and my birthday is next week. They wanted to take a vacation for their anniversary and have never been to see their favorite son-in-law there. Some of Matt's unit is going to Yakima for training on Tuesday. Matt has been told for 3 months that he would not have to go. Yesterday they tell him that he has to go. He threw a fit and hopefully we will find out today if he has to go or not. Grandma is still hanging on by a thread and will die sometime soon. Don't know when. Maybe today, maybe next weekend, maybe next month. So now mom and dad are kinda up in the air about what they should do.

When I booked the flight for the three of us I did not purchase insurance for them because I thought everything will be ok. I highly doubt that American Airlines is gonna give two shits about any of this.

I don't understand why he has to do training. HE IS GETTING OUT. The only thing he needs to train for is how to deal with me on a daily basis and mow the yard and stuff. I doubt he will learn that through the army. So Mr. Big Shot of Matt's unit, you can kiss my big ole butt. I hate you, except for about two minutes on the 1st and 15th.

Oh and also my new phone is a POS. It's an envy 3. Don't get it.

Blog Stalking

Well I've had 250 profile views now so I guess that makes me a pretty big deal... jk. I added some new blogs to follow to ease my boredom at work. So if you see me following you that is why. I only have three followers so that makes me feel a little lame. But this really isn't for anyone else anyway. It's for me.

Here are a few random things that have been going on:

The house thing is still not final. We were supposed to close on Friday. Now God only knows when that will happen.

I have become addicted to talkaboutham.com. It is the stupidest crap possibly on all of the Internet and 90% of the people that post things on there are just trying to be mean and pick fights but I read the garbage.

I'm going to Washington to see my husband next weekend and I am very ready for a break from everything. And besides I miss him.

Matt and I think we want a kid by next summer. We have names picked out. And no I'm not telling. Hehe

Grandma went home. She wants to die at home and not in some pee smelling nursing home.

I'm done with school until June 8th. I got an A on every paper I wrote. I'm not sure what I got on my final but I really don't see how I could get less than an A in the class. What can I say, I may have been born to go to school at LLC.

75 days untill Matt ETS's. And by the way, ETS is my favorite army acronym.

Still sick of my 2nd job and all the crap that goes along with it, except the extra cash.

Anywho, that's about all I've got.

I'm a little reckless

A lot has been going on in my world lately.

1. Grandma's pain is under control. She doesn't make any sense sometimes but she is smiling and laughing again. No one ever thought she would live this long. So I guess every good day is a blessing. Lately, she has been having more good days than bad days.

2. I'm sick of working two jobs.... STILL

3. Matt will be home FOR GOOD by the end of July. I am ecstatic about that.

4. Matt and I got approved for a home loan. We didn't get approved for as much as we wanted but that could be a good thing. My parents and I looked at a house last week and are going to look at one tonight.

5. My mother-in-law is officially at the top of our $hit list. Thanks for taking such good care of Matt's finances, while he was fighting for your freedom. It makes me sick to my stomach that someones own mother can't be trusted.

6. I'm on spring break... well I guess now. No school for this girl next Monday. Next paper due is supposed to be a narrative. I'm running out of stories to write about. I considered writing about when I was raped but I really don't want that bringing me down again.

7. I'm going to see Matt next weekend. We are going to a Reckless Kelly concert. If you haven't heard of them look them up. Good stuff.

What's been happening?

I haven't posted a blog in awhile so I figured I better to try to keep this things going. I have been very busy lately.

I have now gotten A's on all four of my papers in school. I'm working on trying to decide what to take next semester. I might have to take a math class and although I have always been good at math, I am a little nervous about taking it over the summer since I will only have half the time to re-learn it all. I'm going to have to take two math classes so it is important for me to learn everything in the first easier class.

Hospice has been called into help with my Grandma. Dr. Runde says he can no longer treat her pain. Hospice has been helping us to deal with her approaching death also. They said it could be any day or a week or so. She's been sleeping a lot since she has been receiving more pain meds and sometimes when she is a wake she is very confused. At least she is no longer in pain. She is at the nursing home now and someone from our family is there all the time, except for a few hours in the middle of the night. Tonight is my night to stay till midnight or so.

Matt and I are trying to get approved for a home loan. We haven't picked out a house or anything. We just wanted to try to get ahead of the game. Home loans are foreign to me and getting one for the amount we wanted may be harder than originally anticipated.

19 more days till I am with my husband again.