I did something I said I'd never do.

I broke down and got a smart phone. 

I've been due for an upgrade for about 3 months.  I was getting antsy to get a new phone.  Apparently, they don't make descent phones anymore that aren't smart phones. 

I went back and forth with getting one for the last 3 months.  I checked my e-mail and sometimes facebook on my old phone when we would go camping and sometimes in class but that's about it.  I didn't pay for a data package so it would only cost a couple bucks a month.

I called Verizon and threw a fit that I wanted a limited data package if I was going to have to get a smart phone.  That did not work.  But we were able to lower our shared minutes.  We also switched the account to Matt's name and are getting a military discount.  (15% I believe)  So, it's really not going to cost anymore for me to have a smart phone.

So yesterday, I decided to make the plunge.  I took an early lunch, went to the Verizon store, picked out the LG Vortex, and was sent on my way.  I got back to work and had a fit.  Let me back track a little bit.  My old phone was all touch screen so I thought I'd be fine with one that was all touch screen.  So anyway, this Vortex, the touch screen was super sensitive.  It was constantly spelling the wrong words.  And I gave up on trying to figure the damn thing out.

I called Verizon. I was pissed off at the world.  And told them I was bring the phone back.  I talked to the boss, who I had dealt with during my purchasing of the phone.  I told her I either wanted one I could work or I wanted my old one turned back on.  She recommended the Ally.  It was a touchscreen but also a slide out keyboard.  And she also said she'd waive the re-stocking fee.

After work, I went back and got the Ally. 

The good news is I can text on it and I was able to answer a phone call.  The bad news is I won't have time to really mess with it until Sunday.  I think I should be able to figure out the basics.  I'm not 70 years old and I'm not mentally challenged but these new fangled contraptions are no joke.

Hope you all have a great weekend! 

IV sedation rocks my world

Friday I had an appointment to get two teeth extracted at 1:00 p.m. Since I'm such a wuss I wanted to be knocked out cold. My daddy took me. He also took me when I got my wisdom teeth cut out five years ago. My mom showed up and her and dad both sat with me while I was heavily under the influence of drugs.

I was given laughing gas and then the nurse poked me about fifteen times before she gave up on finding a vein. The doctor ended up sticking me with a needle to get the IV in. I told mom and dad to quit looking at me and laughed hysterically. Mom asked me where I wanted to pick up my prescriptions at and I laughed hysterically. I told her, "What's it matter? They are giving me drugs." She said they needed to know where to call it into. I laughed some more and told her Walgreens was "slow as f!@#$." Mom had to leave to go back to work and then my dad kept asking me stupid stuff just to make me laugh. I can't remember exactly what though.

I woke up once during the process and told them the left side of my face was numb. The nurse said it was from the shot. I asked how the IV knew to make the left side of my face numb. She said, no that they had given me a shot in the face. That made more sense. Everything was really confusing while I was drugged up.

When I was finally able to leave, Matt took me by the ice cream shop because I had not eaten all day and I was starving. I got a peanut butter milk shake and ate it with a spoon. When we were on our way home, he looked over at me and started laughing. I was like, "What are you laughing at." He said, "You have that shit all over yourself." I looked in the mirror and it was running down not only my chin, but also my neck.

When we got home, I took a nap with the pups. I think they know when I don't feel good because they behave a lot better. Matt made me some mashed potatoes when I woke up.

The rest of the weekend is kind of a blur. I've kept my pain killers close by. Yesterday my parents came over and dad and Matt played in the yard and fixed some stuff on the house. Today, my mouth hardly hurts at all.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Don't forget that in honor of my 200th post, you can ask me anything you want to. Just click here.

I don't mesh well with people

This weekend we had Matt's work Christmas party. He was nominated for an award and received $100 for his nomination. They gave us a really nice cutting board and a outdoor blanket. It folds up into a bag and is waterproof.

I think I have social anxiety or something. I always feel as if I don't fit in. I don't know why but I don't do well with large crowds of people that I don't know. Most of the people at this party were older so we pretty much hung out with the younger crowd. (Under 30) Even the younger people kinda freak me out. I feel like I never have anything in common with people. So I just drank. By the time we left, I was feeling pretty good.

We went to the bar after the party and proceeded to drink even more. By the end of the night I fit in. This is probably not healthy. I felt like crap yesterday. I swore off drinking.

I just want to start our own family and own traditions. And not have to worry about anything outside of that.

Which brings me to the next thought I've been having. Christmas is totally blow out of proportion. Isn't it supposed to be about spending time with family and loved ones? Why does it have to be all about gifts. I mean, everyone shells out a bunch of money and swaps presents. A lot of times, it's stuff you don't even need or want. And for what?

I can understand if you have kids you would want to spoil them a little. But I'm an adult. I don't need anything. We have spoiled ourselves enough this year. I would like to boycott gift giving/receiving next year but that would probably never work.

Need help again please

I have decided that I'm one of the most indecisive people I know. We want to purchase a new comforter set. I can't decide. Since you are all so smart and have such good taste, I'm leaving it up to you.

Our bedroom has tan carpet and tan-ish walls. I have a few little plaque thingers on the wall that have a light blue, kinda teal with yellow and purple. And some flowers from our wedding that are purple.

Here are a few I like, in no particular order.

Click here to see #1

#2

#3

#4

#5
#6

Please let me know by noon Friday the 16th. (Central Time).

Thanks in advance.

A Constant Struggle

I don't really know how to write this and I debated even writing it. By hey its my blog and someday maybe I can look back at this and see how far I have came.

Last night was a bad night. In my sociology class, the chapter we were discussing was on crime. We were talking about rape and what should be done with rapist in the jail system.

Click here to read a post I wrote about a month ago with my on going struggle with this issue.

Its not like I was singled out or anything but my teacher asked me what my opinion was on something. I basically said that I feel that it is the victims that need the help more help than the criminals. In my opinion, once a rapist, always a rapist.

When I was walking out of the door after class my teacher asked to talked to me. She asked me if I was ok. I lost it. She asked if I had talked to anyone. I have been to a couple counselors. The first one had a daughter about my age and compared me to her. The second time I was put into a group kinda thing and cut pictures out of magazines and made wicker baskets. Neither of these methods seemed to help.

All I want is to be able to GET OVER IT. I don't wanna remember. I don't wanna hurt because of this. I don't want to get upset over stuff that shouldn't even matter.

No one seems to have an answer on how to GET OVER IT. I finally feel like my life is stable enough that I could but I don't know how.

Props to my husband. His big strong arms and open ears mean the world to me.

Not a happy or a funny post

When I was a senior in high school, a guy that was an acquaintance, somewhat of a friend of mine, was bringing me home on a Friday night in November. Long story short, he raped me. It was horrible and I’m not going to even try to downplay how that has affected my life. Every. Single. Day.

I told my parents the night it happened. He was arrested. His family hired a good lawyer. It went to trial. They found him not guilty. Well this guy had a girlfriend who I will call S. S was pregnant. S stayed with him and they moved to Nebraska. I have seen him twice in the last almost ten years.

He and S had two more kids. She finally got away from him and is now dating one of my husband’s good friends, C. I like C and I think he is a good guy. The first time I saw them together I was very shocked. I asked him what the hell he was doing with her. C and I talked and he told me that S had been abused in a number of ways by him and she had finally gotten away from him. And that she has no hard feelings towards me.

S & C showed up at our house warming partying. I hate seeing her. She doesn’t bring back anything but bad memories. I don’t feel sorry for her. I realize that may be a little cruel but she could have left him when he was accused of raping someone.

And now that she moved back here guess who came back too. The last time I saw him was right before my hubs came home. I freaked out.

C is going to Afghanistan in less than a month. Will she stick with him through that? I highly doubt it.

It’s hard to just put it all in the past and be a better person and try to be friends nice to her. I’m not mean to her when she is around. I just don’t talk to her, at all. I guess I know that none of it was her fault. But I hate seeing her.

I doubt anyone could really understand what all this means to me, unless you have been through it also but any advise would be appreciated.

Well...

I've sorta had bloggers block this week. I don't have any exciting stories to tell or any major drama to whine about.

This time next week I will be on my way to Seattle. Its somewhat surreal that we will actually be able to be together... for more than a week. I have a lot to do in the next week so I'm going to be a busy girl until then. I had my eyebrows waxed today and my hair colored last night so that's a start. I still have to take the rest of my clothes over to our house and the rest of the stuff I haven't moved yet. Stuff I use.

I have not bought any groceries for our house. No salt. No pepper. No sugar. No pop tarts. Nothing. I can only imagine how much it is going to be to buy everything we will need just to start with.

Everything is pretty much done at the house. I finally decided on curtains for the living room and they are up now. I had to get a different rug for the living room too because the one I got was too small. But it looks beautiful in my office. Here is a picture of the living. Sorry about the craptastic picture from my cell phone.



I have three more shifts left at my crap job. I will be the happiest girl in the world to have my husband home and not have to work there anymore.

From what I understand with this GI bill stuff, I am going to have to take 4 classes a semester in order for us to get the full benefits. I'm a little concerned about working full time, going to school full time, and possibly having a baby. This seems like a lot. But I have been working two jobs for about four years and I started school this year.

CCR concert

This morning I had a dream that I was at a Cross Canadian Ragweed concert. (My favorite band, ever. Little country. Little rock.) I was having a good time. I thought the music was extremely loud though. I heard them play three songs.

Turns out song #1 was my alarm going off, song #2 was my husband calling to see why I wasn't at work, and song #3 was my mom doing the same.

I wasn't at a concert. I was late for work. Booh!

To go or not to go?

I was planning on going out tonight with a few friends and celebrating my birthday. (My birthday was on the 16th, same day as my grandma's visitation, so needless to say it was a sucky day.) The problem is sometimes I don't even really know how or want to have fun without my husband. I have missed him terribly since the minute I left him last.

When I go out and drink, he is all I think about and it just makes me sad. It always seems as if everyone around me has someone, except me. I don't go out often but when I do I always feel bad about it. Matt doesn't care if I go out, as long as I behave and I do.

I'm going to take a nap. Ahhh.... naps :) my favorite part of the weekend. Then I have to go to the shit job and then I guess I'll decide what I am going to do.