Not a happy or a funny post

When I was a senior in high school, a guy that was an acquaintance, somewhat of a friend of mine, was bringing me home on a Friday night in November. Long story short, he raped me. It was horrible and I’m not going to even try to downplay how that has affected my life. Every. Single. Day.

I told my parents the night it happened. He was arrested. His family hired a good lawyer. It went to trial. They found him not guilty. Well this guy had a girlfriend who I will call S. S was pregnant. S stayed with him and they moved to Nebraska. I have seen him twice in the last almost ten years.

He and S had two more kids. She finally got away from him and is now dating one of my husband’s good friends, C. I like C and I think he is a good guy. The first time I saw them together I was very shocked. I asked him what the hell he was doing with her. C and I talked and he told me that S had been abused in a number of ways by him and she had finally gotten away from him. And that she has no hard feelings towards me.

S & C showed up at our house warming partying. I hate seeing her. She doesn’t bring back anything but bad memories. I don’t feel sorry for her. I realize that may be a little cruel but she could have left him when he was accused of raping someone.

And now that she moved back here guess who came back too. The last time I saw him was right before my hubs came home. I freaked out.

C is going to Afghanistan in less than a month. Will she stick with him through that? I highly doubt it.

It’s hard to just put it all in the past and be a better person and try to be friends nice to her. I’m not mean to her when she is around. I just don’t talk to her, at all. I guess I know that none of it was her fault. But I hate seeing her.

I doubt anyone could really understand what all this means to me, unless you have been through it also but any advise would be appreciated.


Crazy Shenanigans said...

I'm sorry that you're upset. I would just say try to avoid her at all cost. If you know she's going to be somewhere either don't go there or ignore her completely while being there.

PS: You're blog won't show up in my reader and I don't know why. Sorry I've missed some posts!

Christina said...

Firt things first: he's a dip shit! And lucky for S, she finally left him. However, since they have children he will always be in her life. She was young when that happened to you - and you remember teen years - we all made mistakes - and clearly hers is him. I'm sure she has regrets about staying with him.
I don't blame you for having reservations about her. That's normal. I think you're being very mature about it - it's not like you kicked her out of your party. You don't have to be friends with her - just sociable. And if dip shit ever starts shit - you know you have a man in combat boots ready to kick his ass!

Bridget said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did and now having her back in the picture has to be like rubbing salt in a wound.

Your blog isnt showing up in my reader either and I cant figure it out.

(army)Wife said...

Wow...I think you're absolutely justified in how you feel. I think it would totally be okay for you to tell her how you feel. And that seeing her brings back nothing but bad memories, so she just needs to understand that you and her won't be friends. She may have had a hard time with this guy, but her situation has nothing to do with yours and so there is nothing that says you have to feel sorry for her and be buds. She chose to stand by this guy during the hardest time of your life and so having her AND him walk back into the same town as you certainly does nothing change any feelings you have.

Katie said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through that, and I'm sure that seeing S and him is like in an open wound. Stay strong and know that you got through it and are a much better person than either of them.

p.s. I can't see you in my reader either!

Dawn said...

I don't have any good advice. But I know from experience the sting of someone else's actions towards your rapist. My best friend at the time of my rape was also the best friend to the jack*ass. She decided that there was no way he could have done that. Fast forward 10 years later and they are getting married. I about threw up when I saw the engagement announcement.
Just avoid her until he leaves and see what happens once he is gone to Afghanistan. It doesn't sound like it will last and I don't see any reason why you should make yourself sick with memories for the next month.
I would think C would understand your decision to stay away from S.

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