10/07/2009

A Constant Struggle

I don't really know how to write this and I debated even writing it. By hey its my blog and someday maybe I can look back at this and see how far I have came.

Last night was a bad night. In my sociology class, the chapter we were discussing was on crime. We were talking about rape and what should be done with rapist in the jail system.

Click here to read a post I wrote about a month ago with my on going struggle with this issue.

Its not like I was singled out or anything but my teacher asked me what my opinion was on something. I basically said that I feel that it is the victims that need the help more help than the criminals. In my opinion, once a rapist, always a rapist.

When I was walking out of the door after class my teacher asked to talked to me. She asked me if I was ok. I lost it. She asked if I had talked to anyone. I have been to a couple counselors. The first one had a daughter about my age and compared me to her. The second time I was put into a group kinda thing and cut pictures out of magazines and made wicker baskets. Neither of these methods seemed to help.

All I want is to be able to GET OVER IT. I don't wanna remember. I don't wanna hurt because of this. I don't want to get upset over stuff that shouldn't even matter.

No one seems to have an answer on how to GET OVER IT. I finally feel like my life is stable enough that I could but I don't know how.

Props to my husband. His big strong arms and open ears mean the world to me.

8 comments:

mom said...

I wish I could take all your pain away. It's what I am supposed to do.

lola said...

Oh hun. I hope your pain eases sooner rather than later.

Dawn said...

I wish I had an answer for you. I've been to different counselors and I don't we, as victims, ever get over it completely. And when you live in the same area where it happened, the reminders are always there it seems. I had dealt with it as much I could and then I had Daelyn. I am now obsessed with reading an article any time there is a hint of sexual abuse. I want to know all that I can in hopes I can protect my little girl. We talk frequently already about our bodies and privacy with our children and what to do if ever touched inappropriately. The man is still too young to comprehend it, but Daelyn gets it. Now that I have children I want to protect, my pain is different now. I don't hurt for myself anymore. I hurt for them. I know this doesn't help but I didn't realize that having children would bring it all back. And I am by no means saying don't have kids, because you should. If you ever need to talk to someone who has been through something similar, I'm always around.

Katie said...

I'm so glad you have your hubs there with you to bring you back to the reality that you are loved and a wonderful person!

Christina said...

Sending lots of (((hugs))). I wish there was something to say or do to take your pain away, but I think it will just take time... more time.

Crazy Shenanigans said...

I'm glad that you have your husband. He sounds like he's such a great support system to you.

Los said...

Hey Steph - I wish I knew the answer. I'm sure it's something you'll never completely get over, but hopefully someone will be able to help you better cope with it.

BTW - It's one game - the Cards just need to split in LA with the Dodgers. If they can get home with a split, I think the Dodgers are done (not a good road team).

Random Musings Of My Life said...

Healing take times.. and for everyone its a little different. Thank you for being so brave and sharing..