I have a draft of the nursery saved.  It just doesn't seem like the right time to post it.

Over the weekend, a new blog friend of mine lost her baby.  She was 20 weeks pregnant.  I'm not going to link her and I'm not going to pretend as if I know what happened.  All I know is that my heart hurts for her.

When I lost our little Sprout, I thought that was it.  I thought we'd never have kids and that the world was crashing down around me.  I was 6 or 7 weeks pregnant.  And it hurt bad.  I can't imagine being 20 weeks pregnant and having all your hopes and dreams taken away.  

During my pregnancy I've made a conscious effort not to be an asshole.  I try not to bitch about being pregnant.  (The last month has been a little rough.)  I have never made comments about our life being over when the baby gets here.  I've really tried to be sympathetic to those who have struggled and are struggling to have children.  For me, not being an asshole doesn't come easy.  But, nonetheless, I have tried my best.

At times during my pregnancy, I have even felt guilty about being pregnant.  It's hard to explain.  Even though Matt and I tried for over 2 years to get pregnant, I have felt guilty for my happiness when bad things happen to good people everyday.

So, something like her loss, it hits home.  The only good that comes out of it is now she will have her own special little angel.  

XOXO - Thinking of you


MiMi said...

Lovely post, friend.
It's hard for me not to be an asshole too, but when I'm pregnant I'm so grateful that everything's okay I don't dare say anything.

jennykate77 said...

It definitely doesn't make sense why something so terrible happens to such sweet people.

I had similar feelings when I was pregnant. I didn't struggle to get pg and we didn't have any issues. So, my guilt was from all of my close friends who were and had experienced heartbreak. I didn't even tell some of my friends I was pregnant until I was starting to show. I just felt bad.

Just keeping them in my prayers...praying for peace and comfort.

WhisperingWriter said...

Oh no, I am so sorry for your friend's loss. I can't even imagine.

Jill said...

It's a terrible thing to have to go through. I had a friend who went through something similar, and my heart aches for her and anyone else who has to endure such a gut-wrenching loss. I think "not being an asshole" during pregnancy is a good idea - there are so many who have trouble, or can't concieve...it's good to keep that in mind as you go through the experience. Embrace it and be grateful! xo

chambanachik said...

I cannot imagine. :(

Impulsive Addict said...

She will love this post. And she would have been ok with you linking her. I asked permission and she was good with it. I'm so devastated for her. My heart hurts. I wish I could be there to give her a hug. My hope is that she will try this again and have MUCH better results.

I hope you really don't feel guilty. That makes me sad for you. EMBRACE your pregnant self. You deserve it!

Megan said...

This breaks my heart! I have never tried to have a baby but I have had a friend lose one and I know that is was very hard on her. Even if you have never held it in your arms, you have still held them in your heart and love that baby very much.

I hope everything is going well for you and your baby!

Also I have really hard time not being an ass too...I have yet to meet someone who doesn't have a hard time with that every now and then.

ROXY said...

Prayers go out to your blogger friend. I too try not to complain about my pregnancy either. I know I'm lucky to even be pregnant and this far along.

Furry Bottoms said...

That is SO hard. I remember my niece when she first got pregnant called me all frantic because she was pregnant and hadn't told anyone else yet... then she remembered my sister just lost her baby and she was all worried it would ruin the family because she had a baby first. Took a lot of reassurance. I am very sorry for your friend. I'm sure she will be sad, but happy for you at the same time. It will be a conflicted time for her emotionally. You're a good friend though.

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

How horrible. I can't even imagine going through that and being that far along! How devastating.

Date Girl said...

I thought I'd left a comment to this, and I certainly meant to. Thank you-thank you for thinking of us. I will say this, a loss is a loss, no matter how far along. Your sweet little sprout and my Roo are probably living it up in heaven right now.

Don't you ever for a second feel guilty for being happy. Just do me a favor and hold that baby girl extra close, and give her a hug for me when she gets here. Someday we will try again, and I know it will have a much better ending. Like you said, I now have a my own little angel, and she will watch over my next baby and make sure it finds its way to our arms.

XOXO-thank you.