8/08/2011

Kiss and tell...

Hi everyone!  I'm on vacation this week.  Matt's working Monday and Tuesday.  So by vacation I mean, I'm mostly likely laying on the couch catching up on my DVR, maybe watching the Price is Right, and trying to clear my head.  Hope you all have a fantastic week!!!

Today, I have an awesome guest blog from The Impulsive Addict @ Confessions from an Impulsive Addict.  She's seriously one of the funniest bloggers that I follow.  If you don't follow her, you're missing out.  

So without further adieu....

Have you ever broken up with a guy because he was a HORRIBLE kisser?

I have and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Kissing is my thing. I love it. I look forward to it. It sometimes leads to more things (HOLLA) but when you are dating someone that can't kiss, it ruins E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. Are you with me ladies?

When I first met "Beefcake", I was enamored with him from the get-go.

He was super hot.

He was incredibly sexy.

He was hysterically funny.

He was surprisingly charming.

He was a cowboy (which was a first for me!)

And when he finally asked me out, I had dreams about us sucking face.

In my head, it looked similar to this picture:
kissing Pictures, Images and Photos

So after dinner, we headed back to his place for a movie and wine. I had butterflies in my tummy. I knew after waiting patiently for this date to finally arrive, I was gonna make out with Beefcake TONIGHT on HIS COUCH!

And then, the moment that I had dreamed about happened!

And I almost threw up.

My whole entire face was wet.

I couldn't breath. He was literally suffocating me with his saliva.

Did he just come at me with an open mouth? Oh shiz. He did.

I stood up quickly and excused myself to the bathroom so I could dry off with a towel and think about my exit strategy. I couldn't believe that Beefcake was a face-licker. I was crushed (and still a bit wet behind the ears).

After returning from the bathroom, I made up the worst lie ever about why I needed to leave (forgive me sweet baby Jesus) and he looked confused but agreed to walk me out. I was dreading this because I knew what was going to happen as soon as I got to my car.

And just as I had predicted, as soon as he opened my door, he came at me with an open mouth similar to this picture

and what did I do?

I slammed the door.

Right in his face.

And I'm pretty sure I peeled out of his driveway.

He tried calling several times but I am no good at handling confrontation, so I chose to ignore the situation and just hope and pray that we NEVER run into each other again.

And we never did.

Yet.


Please tell me you've had a similar experience?

And there is no need to judge me, people.

11 comments:

Julie said...

Oh dear god. I had this experience, but he went from my mouth to neck in one swift motion leaving behind vampire marks. I excused myself to the bathroom and looked at the damage on my neck. After I walked out, I made him leave my place and told him how angry I was. He called me repeatedly for two weeks and I didn't answer!

MiMi said...

HA!!! I love this one!! Seriously, so sorry I couldn't find a good loaner for your vacay! :(

MiMi said...

PS: I saw a minivan pulling a scamp yesterday...thought of you. :)

missy. said...

oh yes. i was watching a movie with this guy i had been totally crushing on forever. he kissed me and OMG. it was TERRIBLE. i finally got some air and rolled over to watch the movie. he asked me if i didn't like kissing him, and i said no i just wanted to watch this part. as soon as that movie was over i booked it outta there!

kissing is my favorite thing too. i can never get enough of my lovers lips. my kiss goodbye in the morning, my kiss when i get home from work and my kiss goodnight, the best parts of my day :)

Connie Weiss said...

My first kiss was....disgusting! Its really a miracle that I wanted to keep doing it week after week!

Red Stethoscope said...

I made out with a face licker in the Dominican Republic and my exit strategy was to leave the island. Haha...woo! Non-committal summer makeout session. Then, my professor sent me back two weeks later to finish my research study. I went out with his friend, who didn't know that I knew him, and our paths crossed. And, then it was awkward, because he wanted to face lick again. (They always do.)

Jen said...

I dated a guy once I called the lizard. He was crazy tongue guy. Every single time we kissed I felt like I just went to the dentist and he flossed my teeth for me. I would beg my friends to come with me to drive him home...so he wouldn't kiss me goodnight. I never told him and we remained friends....I felt like I should have "taught" him a little better...but I just didn't have it in me! EWWW

Johanson Family said...

Love this story-- always brings me back to my horrible first kiss.... stopping by from IA's blog and just wanted to give ya a big ole blog hug.. My hubs is in the Army... Army National Guard and I've been left behind for 2 deployments before.. and of course the 1x a month, 2week thing per year deal and its not easy-- so just wanted to give ya a hug b/c it is fun to meet a blogger out there with a similar situation :)

Kimi said...

I have definitely broken up with someone because they were a terrible kisser. He kissed all delicate and girly and it gave me the heebie jeebies...

annoyed army wife said...

Ewwww! Way back when I dated a few terrible kissers in high school, but the worst was a guy I got along great with but had no chemistry with. It was like kissing my brother. Bleck!

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Haha! That is hilarious! I would have ran out of there too!