Mini-Meltdown

I worry about Button, a lot.  Everyday.

Last night I had a bad dream.  I won't go into details.  I woke up crying.  Matt asked me if something hurt.  I told him no that I had a bad dream.  That was around 5:30.  I don't think I really went back to sleep.

This morning I had a mini-meltdown.  It had been 4 weeks since I had been to my doctor.  And I wasn't supposed to go back until next Friday.  I called there and talked to the nurse.  Told her what my problem was.  Cried a little.  She said to come in.

They found a heartbeat.  Every thing's fine.  Little Button was moving around a lot according to the doctor.  I cried some more.

I told the doctor I thought I felt Button move sometimes.  He said I probably did.

I also told him about Vinnie.  Vinnie likes to lay his head on my stomach when I'm sitting on the couch.  And lay on my stomach in bed.  I told him he only weighs 7 pounds.  The doctor said that it's fine for him to lay on me and he probably knows what's going on.  I thought that was cute.

I asked the nurse if I was the biggest drama queen that they have ever had to deal with.  She said, "No, far from it."  So, I guess that's good.

The doctor says that my hormones should be easier to manage soon.  It's horrible.  If I'm not crying, I'm pissed about something or someone is annoying me.  Usually Matt.  And that's not good.  I don't want to be aggravated or annoyed all the time.

Maybe that's why I haven't been posting as much.  Cause I've been a mess.  This shit is no joke.

But, most importantly Button is fine.  My next appointment is in 3.5 weeks.  Then I have a sonogram a week after that and we should be able to find out if it is a boy or a girl. 

I'm going to try really hard not to worry.  I really am.  I'm guessing it's not good for me or Button.

I'm linking up with Implusive Addict and Shawn for Talk to us Tuesday again.  Yay!

Hope you all have a great week and a Happy Thanksgiving!

School Blues

I've been really slacking in the school department.  I got my first C in college (well, this time around) on a test last week. I only studied crammed from 30 minutes before the test.  But in my defense, it was a hard test.

I just don't want to study or do homework anymore.  It doesn't help that I can't remember shit anything anymore either.  I only have 5 more weeks of class counting finals I think.  I need to find the motivation to pull my head out of my ass the clouds and get with the program.  I could still get an A in my classes.

After this semester, I have 6 classes left to take and then I'll have my Associates in Accounting, which was my first educational goal of several.  No matter how I slice it, I think it will be the Spring of 2013 before I get those 6 classes done.  

It's hard to work full-time and go to school.  I can't even imagine throwing a child into the mix.   

But I will make it happen.

I refuse to be a college drop-out again.  Not that I regret dropping out first time but this is different.  I'm 30 years old for Pete's sake.  And I'd like to be some kind of role model for my child someday.

Anyramble, next semester I registered for two classes.  I'm due the week of finals.  One class is Access and it's every Saturday in March.  I signed up to take this class before but ended up dropping it.  It always sounded like a good idea to only have to go to a class 4 times.  It's from 8 to 4.  But when I was working part-time, it wasn't as good of an idea as it sounded like.  You know, giving up a whole month of weekends.  Oh, by the way, I quit bar tending as soon as I found out I was pregnant.  But now, I have no life on the weekends so I'm thinking I may be able to do it.

The other class I signed up for is on Tuesday nights.  I'm taking it with a friend so we will ride there together.  It is called Office Procedures.  We refer to it as the "How to Use a Fax Machine class".  Here is a description from the website that I copied and pasted:

"Students handle office activities using the networked and laptop computers in a simulated office environment. Students access software including word processing, electronic mail and calendaring, and other specialized software. Other topics include file management, reception, postal services, internet usage, travel and forms preparation."

I mean really, I'm quite proficient in Internet usage and e-mailing.  I've tried everything for the last two years with my adviser to try to get out of this class. I asked to have my boss write a letter. I asked if there was anything I could substitute.  I asked if I could pay her off.  Not really but I'm guessing that wouldn't work either.

So, I'm going to take it.  I'm guessing I won't have to think very much, which will be a good thing.

So, I'm hoping to find the motivation I'm looking for and do some homework or something this weekend.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Something Special

First of all, I promise my blog won't become all about Button and being pregnant.  But as of right now, that's all I've got. 

I went to the doctor last week.  I got to hear the Button's heartbeat.  It was really something special.  I guess it was so special because it's another reminder that Button is doing fine.

We've been working on getting Button's room emptied out.

Well let me backtrack.  We have three bedrooms in our house.  One is ours.  One was mine. And one was Matt's.  The one that was mine is going to be Button's room.  So I've been getting all of my stuff (guitars, books, cedar chest, ect.) out and moving to Matt's playroom.  Matt's playroom has all of his toy tractors and Cardinal bobbleheads in it.  And all of his Army stuff, lots of Army stuff.  We've both boxed up stuff and moved to the garage.  Matt's having a little bit of a hard time giving up his space.  Although, he has a whole garage of his own that has cable and internet so I'm not so sure what the problem is.  His Mom actually recommending boxing up all his toys and taking them to the garage.

I found this picture frame and I had to have it.  It's the only thing we've bought for Button, so far.

I want to wait until we find out if Button is a boy or a girl before I start buying a bunch of stuff.  We should be able to find out in about 6 weeks. 

Random Fact:

A Kit Kat makes everything better.

Random Questions:

When will I actually look pregnant instead of just fat?

Hope you all have a great weekend! 

On pregnancy, so far.

Thanks for all your well wishes and congrats on my last post!

A lot of people have asked me how I've felt.  Well, the truth is I've felt fine.  I haven't been sick at all.  I have been tired and somewhat grouchy.  But I think I haven't been as tired this week.  This week is week 12.  "They" say around this time I should start feeling better/having more energy.  

I've been eating a lot.  I don't really think it's because I'm hungry either.  I think it's more or less just something to do.  I figure that when you are pregnant, it's okay to look pregnant.  And don't tell me that I'm going to have to lose all the weight I gain either.  Because honestly, I don't care about that right now.  When the baby comes, I'll probably be too busy to eat anyway.

People have been getting on my nerves a lot.  For example, a lady I work with has a step-daughter that has a kid with one guy and is pregnant by another.  She doesn't work or go to school.  I think she's 21, barely.  First of all, her being pregnant and me being pregnant are not the same, in my opinion.  

Well anyway, this lady asked me something about being pregnant.  I answered.  And then she proceeds to tell me how huge her step-daughter as gotten.   I told her if anyone called me huge, I'd snap.  Then she asks me about my jeans fitting. I kinda lost it a little.  I said that no, most of them don't fit anymore.  Then I started crying, went back to my office, and shut the door.  People are dumb.  Is it really anyone's business if my jeans fit or not?  I didn't say to her when she quit smoking, "Hey, you sure are turning into a lardass."  In retrospect, maybe I should have.  Maybe I'm just being an emotional drama queen but really, are people dumb or what?

I now suffer from Can't Remember Shit Syndrome.

I've also decided that if anyone decides it's cool for them to touch my stomach, I'll snap. And I mean it.

According to my phone, (I'm Expecting app) Baby Button is about 2.5 inches.   How cute!

My doctor's appointment was cancelled last week because the doctor was delivering a baby.  So I had to reschedule this Friday.  I have a list of questions.

Last but not least, my mom got her new venture set up.  Here is a link to her facebook page.  She will be specializing in handmade baby items.  We need to get her a etsy shop or something set up still.  She already got invited to be a part of a craft fair here.  So she's been super busy trying to get stuff ready for that.  She seems super excited and I'm happy for her.

Hope you all have a great week!

I've been keeping a secret

I don't really know how to beat around this bush and tell you my secret so I'll just come out and tell you.

I'M PREGNANT.  As in 11 weeks pregnant.  

I don't really know how it happened, I mean I know how it happened but I didn't think it would happen.  

TMI alert - I never had my period after I had a miscarriage.  I peed on a stick before we went camping at my grandpas, which would have been about the time I should have had my period.  I didn't pee a lot though.  It said I wasn't pregnant.

So I didn't think anymore about it until a month or so later when I still hadn't had a period.  So I took another test and it said I was pregnant.  Unless it was the immaculate conception, I knew the date and I was 7 weeks at the time.  (Vacation. Scamper. Just in case your wondering.) 7 weeks was a lot farther than I made it the first time.

I had blood work done.  Everything looked good except my progesterone was a little low.  But they gave me some pills to take for that.

I didn't get in to see the doctor until last Wednesday.  And actually I just saw the nurse.  She didn't really tell me a lot.  Except not to eat a lot of bologna, by the way I hate bologna, and some other random stuff. She didn't try to find a heartbeat or anything.

Anyway, I pretty much demanded to know more.  I was still pretty scared at this point and still am actually because of what happened the last time.  So she scheduled me an appointment for last Friday for a sonogram.

Matt took off work and went with me.  We saw the baby.  It was moving.  And it's heart was beating.  And it has two hands and two feet.  It's head is a little big but everyone says it's supposed to be and that it will grow into it.  But big head or not, we are thrilled and trying to stay optimistic.  The nurse thinks I'm due May 7th.

I'm sharing this on Talk to us Tuesday hosted by Impulsive Addict and Shawn. 

I go to the doctor Friday and I'm hoping he will tell us that everything should be okay.  If you pray, please say a prayer for Baby Button.