Facebook Funnies

It's once again time for "Facebook Funnies." Post all the weird, unusual, creepy, or funny statuses that make you go hmmmm! and then link back to here. Just don't use anyone's name, address, school, ect.



Feel free to grab the button:

<br> <br> <a border="0" href="http://www.imwatchingairplanes.blogspot.com/"target="_blank"><img src="http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o28/steph_ozzy/FF12Resized209x200.jpg</font><a href="http://i986.photobucket.com/albums/ae341/JustAGeekNamedJess/FF12Resized209x200.jpg%22/%3e%3c/a"><font color="#0000ff" face="Calibri">"/></a</font></a><font face="Calibri">><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></font></p><p> <span style='line-height: 115%; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;'><br>

Here we go,

Havingt a baby on saterday.

Okay, if you can't even spell Saturday, do you really need to be having a baby?

Looking for a decent rope to hang in a tree to attachto a tire, message me if anyone has one.

I found this one on the garage sale page for the county I live in.  Really?  Can't you just go to the garm store and buy one?

I saw a fox carrying a squirrel across the yard today.

Interesting, I suppose.

"Ain't no burger on taht kids menu big enough for Jethro."  Love my job.

This one is from a girl I used to work with at my shit job.  The funny part is that I totally believe that this happened.

bipolar facebookers-"i'm sooo happy!!! lovin life!" -1 hour later- "GOD! SO sick of being lied to!!"- 1 hour later- "it's a beautiful day!"-2hrs later- "if ppl have somethin to say, then say it to my face!!"- next day- "a little lunch then off to see good friends!!!" - 3 hrs later-" UGH!! just sick of it all!!" - 1 hr later-"can't quit smiling and lovin it!- 13 minutes later-"CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!"-etc. etc. etc

Oh yes, gotta love the bipolar facebookers.

FYI... If you "aren't going no where" you are going somewhere!!

I may not be the world's smartest person when it comes to grammar, but the double negatives even drive me nuts.

This Bachelorette shit ass show is on for 2 freaking hours.  God help me from punching the TV.

... from my loving husband.

I feel like I know way too much about peopel I hardly know because of facebook.

You and me both.

Feel free to link up and share, the more the merrier!

Facebook Funnies

It's once again time for "Facebook Funnies."  Post all the weird, unusual, creepy, or funny statuses that make you go hmmmm! and then link back to here.  Just don't use anyone's name, address, school, ect.


Feel free to grab the button.

<br /> <br /> <a border="0" href="http://www.imwatchingairplanes.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o28/steph_ozzy/FF12Resized209x200.jpg" /></a><br /> <br />

Here we go...

Don't you hate it when your kids wander into the bar when they know they're supposed to stay in the car?

Luckily, my kids don't have thumbs and can't get out of the car when I'm in the bar.  *rolls eyes*  I hope this person isn't serious.

51% of Americans have Facebook....even so, 99% of them still don't give a shit if you're "Excited to go shopping later"

My thoughts exactly.

You know you're a perve when you run out of ***** up things to type in to a porn search engine :-P

 You know you are a perve when you are typing things into porn search engines period.

Ok now....Charlie Sheen was hospilized for a HERNIA. So remember kids, when you have a giant suitcase of coke....lift with your legs.

 Very good advice here.

 my poor sweet baby keeps telling me she needs to go poop, and every time we sit on the potty she says she is going, but she is constipated i think, she is having a rough time. I am giving her a warm bath to try and help, hopefully it happens soon!

TMI! TMI! No one cares about your kids bowel movements.

If you wear a crash helmet when driving a car, people will stare...but I'll bet they get the **** out of your way!!

Yes, I bet they would get out of the way.  Maybe I'll try this one sometime.

Did a little landscaping around the house tonight...now I think it's time for some manscaping!

Again, TMI!

How am I supposed to masturbate when you people keep messaging me?

What's up with all the perves this week?!?

Feel free to link up and share!

Also, if you hurry, you still have time to enter Brittany's giveaway over at Tales From a Sailor's Soul Mate!  She's giving away all kinds of awesome red, white, and blue goodies in honor of having 100 followers.  Hurry though!

Oh and if you are a new follower of my blog, thanks for stopping by and please say hi so I can go check your blog out. 

Happy Tuesday! 

Facebook Funnies

It's once again time for "Facebook Funnies." Post all the weird, unusual, creepy, or funny statuses that make you go hmmmm! and then link back to here. Just don't use anyone's name, address, school, ect.

Feel free to grab the button.

<br /><br /><a border="0" href="http://www.imwatchingairplanes.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o28/steph_ozzy/FF12Resized209x200.jpg" /></a><br /><br />

Here we go...

I FINALLY found a machine at the gym I like... the vending machine!

Well that more or less defeats the purpose of going to the gym.

good grief charlie brown! I leave early for school and I'm gonna be earlier for school than normal and then...chooo choooooo! Fiddlesticks!

I'm not sure why but I found this one hilarious.

time is never waisted when your wasted all the time :)

Maybe if you weren't wasted all the time, you could actually spell wasted. I can't remember who this was but, lord help us all if they have kids.

Skunk mating season starts in February. I HAD to google this. There are so many dead skunks on the road and I needed to know why. FYI mating season for skunk yearlings starts in March. Be on the lookout for dead baby skunks next month. Just thought you'd like to know.

This would explain all the dead skunks and foul smells lately.

Dear lady in front of me with the six screaming kids under the age of 9: You see that box of condoms that mysteriously appeared in your cart? You are welcome.

I hope this is a true story.

[Her dog] learned how to "shake" and "high-five" by watching another dog do it. Do you think if he stares at me long enough while I fold laundry that he'll start helping me out??

Wouldn't that be great! I'd have my pups cleaning the kitchen floor in addition to folding the laundry.


Don't forget if you link up today you will receive 2 extra entries in my giveaway. The giveaway ends at 4 pm central time tomorrow so make sure you link up before then.

Facebook Funnies

It's once again time for "Facebook Funnies." Post all the weird, unusual, creepy, or funny statuses that make you go hmmmm! and then link back to here. Just don't use anyone's name, address, school, ect.

Feel free to grab the button.

<br /><br /><a border="0" href="http://www.imwatchingairplanes.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o28/steph_ozzy/FF12Resized209x200.jpg" /></a><br /><br />

Here we go...

Either I have the flu or I have accidentally poisoned myself. It's really a toss up......

How could you accidentally poison yourself?

WARNING!!! As of tomorrow, Facebook will creep into your bathroom when you're in the shower, fondle you butt, and pinch in you uncomfortable places. To change this option, go to Privacy Settings>Personal Settings>BathroomSettings>Fondling & Pinching Settings, and uncheck the Shenanigans box. Facebook kept this one quite. Copy & Paste on your status to alert the unaware.

I better check that one out.

URGENT WARNING!!! Facebook now automatically scans your brain through your monitor. To block, go to kitchen, get aluminum foil, and wrap it around your head. Stay calm and breathe through your left nostril ONLY. This is a SERIOUS problem and has been confirmed by a cousin's girlfriend's neightbor's son's baby's mama and her pet chihuahua.

Oh no!

My car horn is too embarrassing. If you are ever out for a walk and you think a cartoon roadrunner is trying to get your attention, that's just me. Mmmeee Mmeep!

Awww... how cute!

Would it be rude if I offered the gross man sitting next to me on the [train] a piece of gum? Seriously gonna vomit.

Don't you hate it when that happens.

Woke up a bit late this morning... but made it to class on time.... i definately didnt here my alarms....

Good thing you made it because it appears you could use all the class time you could get.

[The school I go to] College will be open tomorrow. If anything changes, we will share the information through our traditional channels. We're glad everyone is sharing their thoughts, but we ask that you avoid using profanity. Thanks!

I loved going to my college's facebook when the weather was bad. It was full of post from people complaining about how school should be closed. I'm pretty sure they don't know base their decision to close the school on what is posted on their facebook wall. It also reconfirms that 95% of the people that go to school there are idiots.

HELL YEAH! Just beat my own record for consecutive days alive!

I think everyone does this everyday.

I don't know what's more annoying people who don't make since on here. Or people who can't spell. Ok ok its just me irritated [name]. that's me! But seriously check your post before you post it. Don't sound like a retard and people might respond.

Since... I believe it's sense. And you have a sentence fragment thrown in there.

I wish peep would stop talkin [crap] 2 my soon 2 b x hubby. Our biz is our biz! Stay the [heck] out of it! We have kids 2gather. You wanna ruin my kids life 2! F^*&$ off! I'm done with this [crap]!

And then the next day....

Well that talk went [crappy]! Why even try? I don't give a [crap]!

Why do you put your business on Facebook if you don't want people getting involved?

thinks that sometimes all it takes is being snowed in at work for a couple days to appreciate a good day off.... and whiskey.

Getting snowed in at work? That sounds horrible. That might make me turn to whiskey too.


Feel free to link up and share.

Happy Thursday!

Facebook Funnies

It's once again time for "Facebook Funnies." Post all the weird, unusual, creepy, or funny statuses that make you go hmmmm! and then link back to here. Just don't use anyone's name, address, school, ect.

Feel free to grab the button.

<br /><br /><a border="0" href="http://www.imwatchingairplanes.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o28/steph_ozzy/FF12Resized209x200.jpg" /></a><br /><br />

Here we go...

- In the memo field of all your checks, write "FOR SEXUAL FAVORS"

Haha... I might try that sometime.

- gotta love it when u order food and have the delivery guy get u a pack of smokes on the way

I hope he at least gave him a good tip.

- saw a van that was covered in dirt & someone had written "I wish my wife was as dirty as this van". I wrote "she is.... when you are at work!"

I hope the person whose van this is didn't take it seriously.

- Back to schoo Back to schoo to prove to my wife im no foo

Written by my hubby. No shug, I don't think you are a foo.

- Damn "Storage Wars" because of you I am exhausted this morning! A&E your programming is like crack!

I don't know what crack is like, but I have to agree that A&E shows are very addicting.

- is making a new year's resolution to give one lucky homeless person a home... in my belly.

That's strange

- Believes he was just profiled and that's wrong... i feel violated... at least he had gentle hands

Yes, at least he had gentle hands

- once combined leftover Indian food w/eggs for breakfast. He built a car using only twigs, bottle caps, bull sperm and a coat hanger... all before noon.

How about that very being innovative.

- So I found out today that the "box cutter" I've been using for the last 4 years at work is actually a tool used for pig castration. I'm a little disturbed by that.

This one is from me and is a true story. I swear.

**Edit... I was asked to elaborate on the pig castration tool. ***

I started my job a little over 4 years ago. When I "moved in" there was, what I thought, a box cutter/letter open type of instrument in my desk drawer. I use it from time to time to open boxes and stuff.

Today my boss was trying to open a box and I told him that I had an opener. I busted out my "box opener."

He said, "You know what that thing is?"

I said, "yeah a box opener."

He said, "It's actually a tool we used to sell for pig castration."

I was all, "Nu uh? Are you serious?" He's not one to make stuff up just to get me going.

So I believe him when he said, "Yeah. It's probably 20 years old. The blades probably really dull"

I asked another lady that's worked here forever and she said it was the truth too.

The business I work for sells lawn & garden, pet, and agriculture supplies so, it's really not that far fetched. But I don't think I'll look at my "box opener" the same ever again.



**End Edit**

Please link up if you'd like to share.

Happy Thursday!

Facebook Funnies

It's once again time for "Facebook Funnies." Post all the weird, unusual, creepy, or funny statuses that make you go hmmmm! and then link back to here. Just don't use anyone's name, address, school, ect.

Feel free to grab the button.

<br /><br /><a border="0" href="http://www.imwatchingairplanes.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o28/steph_ozzy/FF12Resized209x200.jpg" /></a><br /><br />

Here we go...

- It's one of those days that you want to make a tinfoil Viking helmet, stand in the corner with a broken broomstick and threaten everyone in a bad German accent.

Hmmm... I've never wanted to do that exactly. I'm having a hard time even making a mental image of this.

- lets see here....i agreed to meet you to talk....we are sitting at denny's eating and you say i slept with you.....so I DECKED YOU IN THE FACE!!!!sorry but you had it coming!!!!think about that....

Well how about that for putting it all out there.

- Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear, and I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer, It's driven me before and seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal, But lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel. Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be here with open arms and open eyes.

Fun fact... this is the first song I ever learned to play from beginning to end. It's an Incubus song.

- so I told this guy, if you ever touch me there again imma call the cops.....

The odd thing about this one is it was posted by a guy.

- I wanna see everybody with cats for profile pics, for lupus or some shit

I like when people make fun of all the dumb following along crap.

Here's a thought to ponder, why is that snow scrapers never work but a credit card or gift card works great? Why don't they make scrapers out of credit cards?
That's actually a great question.

- Is NOT the guy your momma warned you about. Your momma didn't have this much imagination!

No wonder this guy is single.

- Neil Diamond was inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame. Did I miss something? Alice Cooper okay but Neil Diamond? Maybe they need a light rock hall of fame.
I agree.

I saved the best for last for you:

Corporate America, Insurance companies, and Third Party Insurance Claims Department and all you other run-around jerks: here's a little Christmas jingle from me to you (to the tune of Jingle bells): Kiss myyyyy @ass, kiss my @ss, kiss my naked @ass. Pee on you and poo poo too and have a crappy day! hey!

How's that for some Christmas spirit. Bahaha.

Now it your turn! Post your statutes, link up, and come back to see the other.

Facebook Funnies

Today is the second edition of "Facebook Funnies". Link up with a post of all the funny, unusual, stupid statuses that you find on facebook. The only thing I ask is don't use anyone's actual name, location, school, ect.

Feel free to grab the button.

<br /><br /><a border="0" href="http://www.imwatchingairplanes.blogspot.com/"target="_blank"><img src="http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o28/steph_ozzy/FF12Resized209x200.jpg"/></a><br /><br />


Big thanks to Jess at Just a Geek Named Jess for making this button for me!

- what a blah day think im gonna go for a walk in through the woods and let my mind take a break

Someone posted this the first day of deer season. Not a very bright idea if you ask me.

- thinks if facebook was anymore addicting, people would be trying to snort the letters off their computer screen!

Isn't that the truth!

- The unthinkable has happened... brace yourselves.... IM ENGAGED!!!!!!

This is kind of the unthinkable. This girl is a man-eater. But, if she's happy, I'm happy for her.

- is pretty sure he left the house this morning without brushing his teeth, my apologies "everybody I come into contact with today"

Gross. And why would you post that?

- likes his popcorn slightly burnt

This one is for my girl Mimi. I found this one the day after she posted about liking her popcorn slightly burnt. I do too.

- is poking the Facebook version of a quickie?

I'd say so.

- Remember my name.. you will be putting it on the restraining order later ;)

That's just creepy.

- thinks it's best to listen to what your body tells you. I asked my body if it wanted to work out today and it told me, "Listen here fatty, do it and die."

I would love to adopt this policy.

- ...never lick a cactus, it's not as fun as it looks.

Licking a cactus has never appealed to me.

- I was late for work this morning because there was a cow running around the road. They are faster than you would think.

I'd like to say that I've heard it all now but unfortunately this kind of thing can happen around here.

- Ok I'm getting really tired of you stupid little girls that keep wanting to get in my business when its not yours to begins with. You want to keep being immature, go ahead. You're making no one look stupid but yourself. This is not your life so stay out.

Then stop putting all your business on facebook.


Now it's your turn. Link up and come back to see what everyone else posts. The more people that link up, the funner this will be.

FYI... I'm planning on doing this every other week either on Thursday or Friday. So the next one will be 12-16 or 12-17.

Facebook Funnies

Today is the first edition of "Facebook Funnies". Link up with a post of all the funny, unusual, stupid statuses that you find on facebook. The only thing I ask is don't use anyone's actual name, location, school, ect.

Feel free to grab the button.

Big thanks to Jess at Just a Geek Named Jess for making this button for me! I absolutely love it and I appreciate it! Please check out her blog too.

Here we go:

- finds that when he is covered in urine, it is seldom his own

The odd thing about this one is that the guy that posted it has no kids.

- I am amazed by the trash on facebook. Seriously folks this isnt MySpace.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

- deer camp. cold beer and dead deer

This is is from my husband. Please no dead deer, please no dead deer, please no dead deer.

- Kids in the back seat cause accidents, but accidents in the back seat cause kids

Yes, sometimes they do.

- has learned two things from his bewildering trial of ordeals over the past 3 days. One, that when it rains it pours. Two, that the only way to truly get what you want is through cruel and relentless deception.

Oddly enough, I don't totally disagree with the cruel and relentless deception part of this.

- I wish there was a new standard option on cars that allowed you to aim, point, text the car in front of you and tell them to get the F out of the way Grandpa!

I'd definitely buy a phone that did that.

- If a canoe tips over in your front yard and all four wheels fall off. How long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a pickle?

Huh?

- I gotta a call from a charity asking me to donate my clothes to starving people. I said, "If my clothes fit those people then they are NOT starving!"

Hahaha... I feel you on that one.

- what the @#$%... [dog] has cotton thread coming out of her bum. She must have eaten it when I was sewing last week. Tried pulling it out but it was obviously uncomfortable so cut off as much as I could and going to wait for nature... About a metre length so far!

The funny part of this one is that I have had to do the same thing.

- Today, I'm thankful for prophylactics & artificial insemination.

Yes, I guess those are good things to be thankful for.

- Who can cut designs in a faded haircut? Obviously noone around here is up to date enough lol

Who the hell would want a "design" cut into their hair?

- went to walmart tonight & at the courtsey counter there was an older lady there saying they charged her to much on tax & walmart owed her .07 cents..what?

It's Wal-Mart. What do you expect?

Now it's your turn. Link up and come back to see what everyone else posts. The more people that link up, the funner this will be.